The average family spends less than eight hours together each week. Sadly, much of this time is squandered in front of the television, computer, or smart-phones–all activities where minimal engagement takes place. I wrote my latest book, 131 Creative Conversations For Families, because quality family time matters! Family time is when children and parents connect on a deep level. Psychologists often refer to this as attachment, and a secure attachment produces a lifetime of benefits. But before diving in, lets first examine what a secure attachment is all about.
What Is a Secure Attachment?
A securely attached child finds comfort and security in his or her parents. Mom and dad are a a home-base, or a safe haven, whom the child run to when distressed. In secure relationships, children soak-up the comfort and nurture they needed. Then they explore the world with confidence.
In adults, a secure attachment means that both partners feel safe enough to share their inner worlds with each other. Secure adults have true intimacy, or in-to-me-see. A securely attached couple will disagree and argue, just like any other couple. The difference is that both partners truly care about one another and believe that their partner also has their best interest at heart. Even if a spat does result in a short period of disconnection, like Velcro, the two will soon come together again.
Why Does Secure Attachment Matter?
According to Early Attachment and Long-Term outcomes:
- During the preschool years… children who had been securely attached as infants are happier and more socially skilled, competent, compliant, and empathetic than children who were insecurely attached as infants.
- During adolescence, securely attached children make friends easier, and have more friends.
- During the teen years, dating relationships last longer, and are more likely to be in a leadership position when with their peers.
- Finally, securely attached adults report a higher over-all level of happiness.
For me, having a secure attachment with Jenny means that no matter how difficult life becomes, I know that I always have someone in my corner. Jenny is the first person I call when I succeed, and when I fail. I know she won’t kick me when I’m down, and am confidant that no matter how big the challenges–and as a blended family, we have plenty of them–the two of us will make it though them together. Our relationship truly is a safe have in the midst of life’s storms.
How Do Secure Attachments Develop?
The goal of the 131 Creative Conversation Series is to provide couples and families with the opportunity to practice connecting in a secure manner. Secure families know that they can share their thought, are confidant that they will be heard, understood, and will continue to be loved by the family even if not everyone sees things exactly the same way.
Secure families can have the ability to discuss–and even heatedly discuss–differences without fear of rejection. At the end of the day, everyone knows that they are loved. It is amazing how much us parents learn about our children when we take the time to listen. It’s also amazing how much our children will listen and learn from us, when engage them in conversation. Lecturing, leads kids to tune-out adults. Conversations build relationships and often lead to positive life changes.
Attachment Building Conversations
131 Creative Conversations For Families is divided into 13 chapters. Each chapter begins with an introduction to a Christ-honoring family value. This is followed by ten discussion starters that support families in having value-based conversations. Here are some of my favorite conversation starters from the book:
Fun Conversation Starter #1: If you could have any super power, what would it be? How would you use this power to serve others? How would you use it to help yourself?
Gritty Conversation Starter #11: Imagine that a close friend is failing a class at school, and comes to you for advice. What study tips would you give your friend? What kinds of personal advice would you provide?
Spiritual Conversation Starter #62: If you could travel back in time, and have lunch with one Biblical character–other than Jesus–who would you eat with, and why?
Career Conversation Starter #104: Do you think attending college is important? Why, or why not? What college might you want to attend in the future?
How Do I Get A Copy of 131 Creative Conversations For Families?
131 Creative Conversations For Families, is available on Amazon. You can order a paperback copy today or pre-order the e-book, which will be available on June 27! The links to the two different formats are below:
Paperback: 131 Creative Conversations For Families
Can I Get a Free Copy?
This is my firs time launching a $0.99 eBook. Because of Amazon’s KDP Select policies, I’m not allowed to give away free eBooks. I am, however, able to give out free review copies. If you would be interested in reading this book, and leaving a rating and review on Amazon I would love to e-mail you a copy. And know that even short reviews are acceptable and very much appreciated!
Simply e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and let me know you would like a copy for review!
Finally, I would love to hear more from you! How are you building secure attachments at home? Did you try out the creative conversation starters with your family, and if so, what did you think? What is one of the best value-based conversations that you had with your children? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
Family, Friendship, and Faith Link-Up
This link-up is an excellent place to meet new friends, network, and share your posts. Please feel free to include any family, friendship, and faith related posts. If you have time, please visit some of the other submissions, leave a comment, and make some new connections–after all, this is what teaming-up is all about!
Finally, I’d love it if you would grab a button for your site, or link back to the Family Friendship and Faith Fridays, link-up, in order to make it easy for others to join in!