I remember vividly the exact moment I realized that in my marriage, when we chose to get pregnant that I would be a first time parent on my own because my husband had already been through all of this. We were sitting around the kitchen counter talking with my parents while visiting them in Minnesota. My parents were sharing about the day that I was born. How it felt to go through that and become parents together. How amazing it is to watch your spouse become a parent. And it hit me. My husband already has kids. He had already experienced the day of finding out your whole world is about to change because you are expecting, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, planning and preparing for your little one to join you, and finally that amazing moment of meeting your baby and becoming a parent for the first time. And he had done all of that without me.
When I found out I was pregnant I was overjoyed, but it hit me again that I was experiencing this all for the first time on my own. Don’t get me wrong. My husband was right there with me the whole time. He was supportive and excited for this new chapter in our lives. And of course I had been parenting my step-daughters for a year and a half at that point. I had prepared to take on a parenting role with my steps, which in many ways resembled the way I prepared to welcome a new baby to our family. So I was a mom, who was becoming a mom for the first time….again. I was (and sometimes still am) confused. Are you?
I muddled through being pregnant for the first time. And over the past few weeks I have learned how to be a parent to an infant. All while my husband was a little more relaxed because he knew, to a certain extent at least, what to expect. But I also watched my husband’s face light up when he found out we were expecting, and when he heard this baby’s heartbeat for the first time. I watched his joy when he felt her kicking for the first time.
And then this happened.
And I watched my husband become Addison’s dad.
And now I know nothing was stolen from me. At times I still catch myself feeling jilted because I missed this process with my steps. But that’s usually when I’m in a sleep-deprived-new-mommy state of mind. Because lets be honest, being a “first time mom” with 2 other kids at home isn’t always easy. But then I watch my little family and I am content knowing everything is as it should be.
What was the experience of becoming mom like for you? If you are in a blended family, is parenting you own children different than being a step-parent? Blended family life is quite the adventure. We would love to learn from your experiences and look forward to continuing the conversation in the comments below!